I feel different, like a good sort of different. I have not talked to him in about a week now, and gradually, the need to talk to him has dissipated. I longer find that there is a crushing need, a compulsion, addiction even to talk to him anymore. Every time I pick up the phone to text him, to try as hard as possible to ensure that he's still a part of my life, I simply put it back down. I am happy to say that my lack of pride when it comes to him has suddenly resurfaced, and its back with a vengeance.
However, I was reading A Million Little Pieces, and James(the author) said something about addiction that rang true with me.I think I may have posted about it somewhere before, but the essence of it is that you are never really cured of an addiction. You substitute one for the other. And I fear that I may have done that, with another person. I don't know how feel about this person(X), but I do know that in the short time that we've known each other, I have realized that if I'm not careful, I'll end up falling for person X. And it wouldn't be a bad thing, just inconvenient.
But I do feel like I'm hovering around, trying desperately to fill the void that has started to fester in my heart. Thats a mouthful. I don't know how I'm supposed to feel actually. Happy that I've moved on? Sad that he STILL doesn't care? Empty because everything's changed? Hurt because I never meant anything to him? Its like one huge mess of emotions. A myriad of complicated, twisting of emotions.
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