Words can very easily confuse or hurt.
I suppose I should have been clear.
I'm not angry or sad or whatever.
I just don't like being made fun off.
Its sad and degrading.
I mean c'mon la. You know me right, you know i'm sensitive and I have soft heart.
Besides, Jon said if I was mean once it means that everyone will stop. I won't do that, cuz I don't want to lose my friends, but sometimes its tempting to just tell them to stop.
I think no one knows better than me that choice is the hardest thing in the world. Choice leaves you with a lesser version of yourself, no matter how small. I made some very tough choices. Maybe I'm just becoming one of those dreaded adults who have forgotten what it was like to live for yourself, and not for reality.
ReplyDeleteI made a really tough choice with you. I miss you so much that there are no words for it. Call me a bitch or whatever you want; maybe I deserved it, but I had to save myself too. If I were a bank, I was spewing all my emotional money on you then. That's what friends do. But I was giving and giving and let's face it, you weren't a very good investment then.
I agree with you. Family will always be there for you. Friends like me come and go, because we have our own lives, our own problems. Let's face it. I'm human. A family will always be there with you because their lives are so intricately twined together with yours. One day, a husband will be too. But friends are just that. Friends. I've lost friends too. I lost you. And because it was my choice, I suffer from guilt and sadness like you'll never know. I never told anyone because of my pride.
Remember how I used to fight with N______? I didn't want to apologize until she did. But here I am. It took me damn near a year to do it too.
I'm being brutally honest and I know you may hate me, I hate myself for it too, but I'm going to say that I was hurt by you. I was really hurt. I'm sorry if I hurt you too, it's possible you've even forgot about me, but I had to let go to save myself. I had a lot more issues then. Our baggage and me using myself to save you broke me down.
I may not have been an amazingly loyal friend, but I was true to you. I want you with all my heart but I couldn't save you from yourself.
I realize only now that I can't do that. No one can, really. You're the type who has to do it for herself.
Maybe you know who I am. You have my number. You're welcome to talk anytime.
But you most probably won't. I'm sorry. :( I really am. I never used you, or wanted to harm you.. You know better than me how much I love my friends. I feel the same way you do. I hate change too. I don't feel like myself anymore.
People change. I've changed. Maybe you could give us another shot. I'll understand if you don't want to have anything to do with me. But I need to know that you are fine, that I hadn't been stupid and worthless.
Because I know I'm not as happy as I can be, without you.
They found your ezlink btw.
ReplyDelete