Emotional Whiplash

It's been what, 500000 years since i've posted. A lot has happened and I can't possibly begin to explain the extent of the consequences that has happened. There are both good and bad things, both painful and easy things. I'm getting an emotional whiplash from one of my "friends". I knew it was possibly too good to be true, that we honestly could be friends, and that we could actually get along. We are too similar, at the same time we're different . Its super confusing. Its annoying as hell, its dysfunctional, and yet, it is what defines our friendship. I am tired of this, seriously. It was the exact same thing that happened in secondary school. This is what defined my friendships in secondary school. And we all know how well that ended. 

It seems that no matter how hard I try to be "different" from what I was in sec school, it seems to come back to what I used to do, and how I used to be. Its stupid, because it just seems to go back. Its that whole feeling of being used, like a washing machine cycle. Rinse and repeat for good measure. Its seriously never ending. 

But, as things have happened, I refused to let it become a secondary school friendship cliche. So I made conversation, like nothing was wrong, and true enough, aside from the initial awkwardness, it was back to normal. Well as normal as normal can be. Its not easy doing something out of character, but at the same time, its strangely liberating. It shows that you're not afraid of doing things differently, even if it may not be the easiest road to take. 

I'd like to think that in the face of a challenge, I won't change. But its hard to say how you'll react. Nothing is ever certain, except for the fact that things change. The statement  that people never change is a paradox. A contradiction. Because while they do change, sometimes they don't. Its easy to pretend. Really it is, chances are, you're pretending right now, even if you don't realize it.

There's a strange comfort in knowing that you could be who want to be, depending on easily you are able to lie. Lying is easy, its making the lie believable that is hard. What's scary is that if you believe the lie so badly, it becomes the truth.  I love to act, I love the theatre, drama, plays, everything. When i used to be on stage, I discovered so many facets of myself. Its cathartic. Truly, it lets you break all the walls, push the boundaries of  reality, and allows you to delve deep into the human psyche. It doesn't let you hide. It strips you bare, forces you to show yourself, shows your scars for everyone to see. You can be who you want to be, but the stage shows you that the best person to be is yourself.

I miss my stage, I miss the studio, I miss the feeling of home. When that spotlight is on you, when you're that character, nothing else matters.  Its just you. When you believe your character, find similarities, love, hate and experience everything your character does, is when you are truly releasing your inhibitions Fear has no place in theatre. You can act fearful, but you can never be afraid. Never ever be afraid of letting out your emotions. 

People are judgmental, but the theatre never judges you.

Strange Terrain

(15 step-Raidohead,Voices-Saosin)

This is something random that I've been working on.

I could really use a wish right now...

How do you measure life? Can you equate every breath, every heart beat to something important? Do people use grand gestures to see how much in life they've accomplished? If I've published a book, does this mean my life was more important, or more well “lived” than someone who just read them instead? Life is more than living it with vigor and adventures. The small things in life counts. The simple pleasure of singing along to a song that you enjoy cannot be replaced. The love you feel when you hug someone, or the calm stillness of the night sky, each memory, thats what counts. Not flying off to see the wonders of the world. Make your own wonders. People tend to focus on how they can be remembered when they die. What they forget is that in trying to do something of such grandeur, that they miss out on the little moments that makes life amazing. I'm not exaggerating. Sure, it might be fun to climb a mountain, but what good is it, if you can't see the beauty of what's in front of you? 

Don't take anything for granted.