You're the only breaking me down like this.
I think I may have landed myself in a V.A.S. Thats short for very awkward situation. I find myself in a pickle, because I lied. Now, let me remind you, in my last post, I said lying was easy, and mind you, it is. But its the stupid feelings of guilt that make you go soft and want to confess. Here's the thing though, I didn't exactly do anything wrong....Yet. I'm convinced things will end up badly, but I can't walk away.
Does it make sense? I know if I don't get a hold on things, the downward spiral I have yet to go on will go careening out of control. I can't walk away from this. I'm being so stupid and selfish. Sometimes I wish I could strangle and tie up the less logical side of my brain in the corner, so I could think rationally for at least that short while. I know how this will end. And it will end as it has the last time it happened.
I've got to keep reminding myself that I don't mean as much to them as they do to me. Its not as bad as it was in sec sch, thank heavens for that. I know the consequences of my choices, and I know where that led me to. So i wish i could stop building sandcastles, and just accept facts and move on.
Oh, to be a guy, would be a blessed relief.
GAH. I'm loosing hope, there's a hole in my heart carved out from stone. A couple of tears, and I'm broken.
I used to believe in feelings that could change things.
But now my heart is frozen.
The coldest heart-The Classic Crime
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